Can a relationship recover from cheating?
This is a perfectly reasonable question to ask, especially as this could be one of the most traumatic experiences where you feel alone and isolated.
Other questions that we are often asked include:
How to have a healthy relationship after cheating?
How to trust someone again after cheating?
How to rebuild a relationship after cheating?
How to save a relationship after cheating?
Do you forgive a cheating boyfriend (or girlfriend)?
What to say to a cheating boyfriend (or girlfriend)?
What to do when your partner cheats on you but you still love them?
With so many questions, it is clear many people are not ready to abandon their loved ones. So why is it often taken as a fact of life that an affair must spell doom for the relationship?
How to fix a marriage after infidelity, and How to move forward in a relationship after cheating
It is important to act fast in light of an affair: what you do within the first few days is often crucial.
Trauma counselling enables couples to create a space for talking about the pain in a manageable and open way, without ending the relationship. Establishing this space is very important in the immediate aftermath of the affair; it serves to ask the right questions immediately. In this early phase couples can be at each other’s throats; this is in some ways a natural response — but it is a self-destructive path.
Trauma counselling is about managing these emotions and asking the right questions — questions that re-establish lost connections and set the relationship on the pathway to resolution as early as possible. Only then, once the right questions are being asked, can we then make that all important second step:
Trauma counselling establishes rhythms of connection and intimacy
Now that healthy, honest dialogue is established, the next logical step is to establish what we call rhythms of connection. The importance of these rhythms have been understood by psychologists for many years. They are all about synchronisation. Sometimes even healthy dialogue may appear not to be working; often this is a result of each partner arguing from different moral matrices. That is, they often fail to see each other’s perspective. Rhythms of connection are important to bridge these perspectives together.
Once these connections are established, we can journey together to analyse the traumatic event not as an obstacle, but an opportunity: a gift to help them grow to new levels of connection and intimacy. A part of this process may involve, after a careful analysis of the situation, talking to the children (if any), and even relatives and friends if necessary.
What to expect from our relationship trauma counselling
In the immediate aftermath of the traumatic experience we provide intensive sessions that usually last around 2 – 3 days. These sessions exist to:
Establish an honest, open, healthy dialogue.
Open the channels of what we call ‘rhythms of connection’.
Once the channels are open, we then sit down and ‘journey’ with couples in an additional three hour session.
In our experience, a struggling couple caught up in an affair will need at least six months of intense work and guidance in order to work through the pain and have the greatest success. Remember, the biggest mistake a couple can make is to try the journey on their own out of shame or any other reason. Often such attempts are misguided and have a high failure rate. With Couples Help, our experienced therapists and counsillors will be there for the both of you, and will help you find rebirth, and prosperity.
If you want to repair the affair, don’t hesitate to contact us so we can start a healthy dialogue before we get to work.
For more information on all things to do with couples, marriage, sex, and more, please check out our blog. We have an ultimate guide on marriage counselling and marital status in South Africa, including Pretoria and Johannesburg.
My husband of 3 years and I found ourselves in major disconnection and without understanding the sources of it. We went about our relationship in a vicious cycle of neglect, detachment , frustration, explosive fights and yet stayed in it because we loved and cared for each other. We hoped it would get better or resolved by itself. We found ourselves at odds as one of us wanted out and the other didn’t and we began to resent each other , and hurt each other more deeply as we could not resolve the situation or make sense of what was happening. We called Louis after he was recommended to us by a friend and a very intense and amazing journey began. Louis was able to help us understand where we were in our marriage and the processes we have done in getting us there , as well as the challenges and growth needed To help us get past it. He really helped us understand ourselves and our actions towards each other , to understand how we got there and why. With such great insight and understanding of ourselves we were able to come to our realization of our marriage and ourselves in a calm manner and from a place of love and kindness. I strongly believe we would have not been able to come to accept our situation without animosity and deeply hurting each other unnecessarily without the guidance ,clarity and superb counselling method by Louis. I sincerely recommend Louis to any and every couple who finds themselves in a situation where they are struggling
In their marriage. I love that he brings truth and clarity to the couple and allows them to then make decisions from that place. We are very grateful to have had him take us on this life-changing journey.
I recommend Louis and his intensive Marriage Restoration workshop extremely highly. After 20 years of marriage, I couldn’t see how any 2 day session would fundamentally change the dynamics of our relationship, but it did. The workshop reconfirmed and strengthened our love for one another, and showed us so much about ourselves and our relationship. It forced us to re-examine what we each individually brought to the marriage and how our past had trapped us in unhealthy patterns. The experience for me was like lifting a fog, I could suddenly see things I’d never really seen before, I suddenly saw how beautiful my marriage really was.
I also must commend Louis on his facilitation. He was kind and compassionate, supporting us when we faced difficult emotional topics, but he was also firm in guiding us to places we were very uncomfortable. I found working with him to be an excellent experience.
Don’t miss this chance to change your marriage for the better. Give Louis a call.
I would recommend Couples Help to ANYONE and EVERYONE who are in or entering into marriage. My husband and I attended the two day programme and I can honestly say that it has given us such a deep understanding on what it means to have intimacy and connection in a marriage. Before I attended this programme I would have laughed at anyone who told me that two people could love each other into wholeness. What makes Couples Help so special is that its tailored specifically to your needs whether you are a couple who is in desperate need of saving a broken marriage or if you are looking to deepen your connection and learn more about each other.
Nothing could have ever prepared me for the reality of getting a divorce. When my wife left me for a third party I have never in my life experienced more sorrow, loneliness, a feeling of total rejection and my self-esteem was at an all-time low. Reality struck sitting on my bed looking at my ex-wife’s empty cupboard the day she left. My “purpose for living”, the love of my life and my children was gone. I was a broken man and so alone. And then the realisation that you must be strong for your two beautiful children who deserved none of the heartbreak that is part and parcel of any breakup.
Louis helped me to accept what is, with compassion and true empathy for my situation. The importance of a new civil and respectable relationship with my ex-wife, for the sake of our children. But most important he gave me new perspective on life and my perceived reality. That I am “good enough” I am “not alone” but loved by so many people. He helped me identify my biggest fears worked on my self-believe and made me realise that I have lost myself, my needs and voice in my marriage.
Today, fourteen months later, I live with more aliveness, happiness and self-confidence than in a very long time. Furthermore, my relationship and connection with my children has never been better. Thank you, can never describe how grateful I am towards Louis for his influence in helping me to change my life.